An important part of being there for someone is helping them access professional and community resources and services.

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You can’t (and shouldn’t) force them to go, but you can help them know where to go and what to expect.
As a friend, your role is to support them in finding resources and getting help. You can prepare for conversations and do research on your own, but the process of getting help is best done together. Ask how you can support them in getting help. E.g. Would you feel more comfortable if I was there when you call to make an appointment? Want me to come to the Guidance Office with you?

Where to go


Figuring out where to find help can be hard. Check out Kids Help Phone Resources Around Me and if there aren't appropriate services in your area (or if wait times are too long) then look to online resources or helplines. If possible, get on a waitlist for professional services but you can also reach out to a caring person in your community that you trust. Sometimes it’s just trial and error of different resources like online chats, group counselling or helplines before finding a good fit. The important thing is to not give up.

While resources in your area might not be as plentiful and accessible as they should be, it’s important for people to look into all options and try different approaches to find what will best suit their needs. Learn about the differences between various services.

When to get help

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The earlier the better. If you see someone is struggling to cope, you should suggest they reach out to community supports or professional help. Let them know that there are people they can talk to who can help (like a school counsellor, family doctor, or helpline), and that they don’t have to go through this alone.

By encouraging and supporting someone to get the help they need, we normalize help seeking behaviour. It’s like when that first brave student has the courage to stick their hand up in an auditorium of 1,200 first years and ask a question. From then on it’s just a little bit easier for everyone else to ask their questions. It’s like a destigmatizing snowball effect.

You can say, "It sounds like you’ve really been struggling; have you considered talking to our school counsellor?"
Offer to go with them to a counsellor or sit with them while they call a helpline.
Find ways to help remove barriers to accessing services like distance, time and cost.

Tunchai & Lindsay

Creative ways to access help

 Tunchai & Lindsay
Creative ways to access help | Tunchai & Lindsay
“There are different ways that you can access help that aren’t necessarily going to see a counsellor.”  As advocates and supporters of Indigenous youth mental health, Tunchai and Lindsay know the struggles Indigenous youth face and the unique strengths they bring to mental health promotion. Drawing support from the land, one another, laughter, pets, and even comic books, Tuncahi and Lindsay embody their message of hope and resourcefulness in the face of grief and tragedy. Their message to young people: “Take a look, see what you have, and diversify who you lean on and how you access support.”

Keep following up


If they refuse help, but are not in crisis, follow up periodically and encourage them to get help. Pushing too hard will only push them further away.

If they're in crisis, call 9-1-1 or emergency services.

Maryam & Aswani

I’ll support whatever option you choose

 Maryam & Aswani
I’ll support whatever option you choose | Maryam & Aswani
“Growing up in a culture where talking about your mental health is not appropriate, I didn't know where to seek help.” Aswani and Maryam met during orientation week in their first year of undergrad. Aswani was struggling with anxiety; she was jittery, her heart was always racing, she couldn’t sit through lectures.  She opened up to Maryam and was surprised to hear that Maryam had experienced similar symptoms of anxiety in the past. Maryam suggested a few resources that she had found helpful but let Aswani decide what would work for her. Maryam was there to support and encourage Aswani in whatever resources or treatments she chose. Aswani remembers, “It felt really good to see someone who had been through that and is in a good place now and know that I can also be in a better place. That was Maryam for me.”

What to Expect from Therapy

Estyr & Kirbie

I needed to broaden my support system

 Estyr & Kirbie
I needed to broaden my support system | Estyr & Kirbie
“A byproduct of the coming out process was that the depression and anxiety that I had experienced my entire life really hit me hard as I dealt with the lack of acceptance within the Chrisitian community.”  Growing up in a conservative, Christian household, Kirby knows the struggles that members of the LGBTQ+ community face in finding support, acceptance, and love. Kirby was lucky to have his best friend Estyr by his side encouraging him to discover and celebrate his true self, but Estyr knew she couldn’t provide all the support he needed. For over a year, she encouraged Kirby to go to counselling and find friends in the LGBTQ+ community who could support him in ways that she couldn’t. 

Questions from the community

What if someone is reluctant to seek help because they found professional help unhelpful or hurtful in the past?

What if someone is reluctant to seek help because they found professional help unhelpful or hurtful in the past?

There are lots of reasons why someone might avoid getting professional help, so be sensitive when asking about it and don’t make assumptions. For example, you could say, “You missed your last few appointments, everything ok?” Ask open ended questions to explore barriers to seeking help. Hear them out. Sometimes there are practical considerations like cost or time. There may also be reasons related to past experiences of being discriminated, stigmatized, offended, or disrespected by a healthcare worker. Know your role. Don’t judge, don’t downplay their concerns. Many people try out a few different resources like online chats, group counselling or helplines before they find what works for them. Talk about different options and types of therapy. The important thing is to not give up.
I think they're in serious trouble but they refuse to get professional help, what do I do?

I think they're in serious trouble but they refuse to get professional help, what do I do?

If it’s a crisis, call a helpline, 9-1-1 or emergency services and stay with them until help arrives. If it’s not, be there for them. Show you care and hear them out, maybe there’s a good reason they don’t want help. Don’t push them too hard; it often does the opposite of what you hope and instead people pull away. Until you understand the reason behind their resistance you can’t move forward to find a solution together.

E.g. Someone experienced abuse or discrimination from the medical system in the past. It might take a lot for them to feel comfortable enough to trust a medical professional again. Ask what might help them. A referral from a trusted friend? Do they want you to go with them? Are there services tailored to the needs and preferences of a population they identify with?

E.g. It’s a small town and they don’t want people to know they’re struggling. Calling an anonymous helpline could be a good first step.
What if they tell me they've self-harmed, but claim to be feeling better and do not appear to be in crisis?

What if they tell me they've self-harmed, but claim to be feeling better and do not appear to be in crisis?

Let them know that you’re happy they’re doing better. Say what you see can include good things too!
E.g. “It’s so good to see you back at school! I’ve missed you.”
E.g. “I’ve really noticed a difference in you lately. I’m so glad you’ve got your energy back!”
 
Next, show you care. Stay close, keep inviting them out to stuff and remind them that they can always come to you if they’re not doing so well. Hear them out. Ask how you can continue to support them and make a plan together in case they need to reach out for help again. Chat about different kinds of self-care you’ve found helpful and ask them what they do for self-care. If the answer is "not a whole lot," see if they’d be down to explore self-care together to get them started. Know your role. It’s important that they trust you, but it’s important you trust them too. It’s a balance of giving them space, knowing the signs and showing you care. They need to know they can always come to you if they need someone, and you can always say what you see if you’re concerned.
What if they receive a diagnosis (e.g. BPD, depression, OCD, etc.)? What does that mean for them long term and how do I support them?

What if they receive a diagnosis (e.g. BPD, depression, OCD, etc.)? What does that mean for them long term and how do I support them?

Being diagnosed with a mental illness (or a physical illness) can bring on all kinds of emotions. It could be a relief, upsetting, empowering or something else all together. Hear them out. Listen to how they feel about it, ask how you can help and be open to the types of help you can give changing over time. Know your role. Don’t judge. A diagnosis doesn’t change who a person is or what they’re capable of. It can help explain symptoms, but it often doesn’t mean they’ll experience those symptoms forever. Show you care and reassure them that you’re there for them and that this doesn’t change the nature of your friendship in any way. Long term, you can continue to apply the Golden Rules. If things get worse, say what you see and connect them to help. Keep in mind that living with a mental illness is a journey, and different types of resources will be helpful at different points along the way.
What if attitudes of their family or community are stigmatizing and negatively impacting their mental health?

What if attitudes of their family or community are stigmatizing and negatively impacting their mental health?

In any situation where someone is struggling with their mental health, it’s important to involve other trustworthy people to create a caring support network. A support network might include family, friends, elders, teachers and/or mental health professionals like a caseworker, guidance counsellor or therapist. But establishing those trusting relationships is sometimes easier said than done. Stigmatizing attitudes and/or unstable/abusive environments can rule out many, if not all, potential supports. So what can you do?
 
Hear them out. Listen to what they really need. Maybe there are some practical things their community can support them in without direct conversations about mental health (like tutoring, finding a job, or getting a ride somewhere). Know Your Role. Don’t assume they will find the same types of support as helpful as you do. Be empathetic to their situation, help them out of unsafe environments and don’t force supports that might be unhelpful. Get creative in how to connect to help; support them in having tough conversations, help them find mental health allies and consider anonymous helplines if there aren’t helpful people in their immediate community.
How do I encourage someone to broaden their support network without making them think I don’t care about them?

How do I encourage someone to broaden their support network without making them think I don’t care about them?

Just keep showing them that you care! Being real with them and sensitively explaining the limits of your role, knowledge and capacity (emotional, time, energy, etc.) can help both of you to set and respect the boundaries of your relationship. Often it’s because we want to preserve and maintain a friendship that we need them to broaden their support network, not because we don’t care about them. Helping them find other people to open up to can be a great way to show you care. (E.g. be there with them the first time they talk to their parents/partner/therapist).
What if I think they're hurting themselves or contemplating suicide?

What if I think they're hurting themselves or contemplating suicide?

If at any point you think someone is at risk of hurting themselves or someone else you should call professional help (counsellor, crisis line, community service). If their life is at risk, call a helpline, 9-1-1 or emergency services.
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How to take care of yourself

Being there can be tough. Learn to recognize your limits and Be There for Yourself too.

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Differences between various mental health services  

What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor with extra training in mental health, a psychologist isn’t a medical doctor but holds a graduate degree in psychology. They both use various psychotherapy techniques, but a psychiatrist can also prescribe medication (psychologists can’t). A psychiatrist will assess a patient from a biological and psychological perspective, may make a diagnosis, and will suggest a management plan. A psychologist will often focus on and explore how an individual's circumstances, history and relationships influence their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and how positive coping strategies can be implemented.
 
It isn’t usually obvious whether you should see a psychiatrist or psychologist but your general practitioner (family doctor) is always a good place to start. A doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist or a psychologist in which case the cost is covered through the government but there tend to be long wait times. Alternatively, you can also choose to see a psychologist through the private system by contacting a psychologist directly and paying out of pocket. 

 

What’s the difference between counselling and psychotherapy?

These usually mean the same thing and are both approaches in talking through mental health issues. Many different professionals may provide counselling, including registered psychologists, registered clinical counsellors, psychiatrists, social workers, family doctors, psychiatric nurses, and faith leaders.

There are a bunch of different types of therapy and therapists and each one can be helpful to different people depending on age, personality and the type of mental health issues that they’re working through. It’s important for people to learn about different types of therapy so they can ask questions to find the right form of therapy. Whatever the type of therapy and whatever the profession of the therapist, it’s important to find the right therapist for each individual - someone they can trust and feel comfortable talking to. If someone doesn’t ‘click’ with the first therapist they see, that’s ok. Totally normal. Encourage them to keep trying to find someone they’re comfortable with.

In an emergency:

This is not a site for personal disclosure of mental health distress, suicidal thoughts or behaviours. If you are in crisis, please call a helpline, 9-1-1 or emergency services or go to your nearest emergency department for assistance.

If someone’s thoughts or behaviours threaten the safety of themselves or others, then this is what’s called a mental health crisis. Call a helpline, 9-1-1 or emergency services. If someone has recently hurt themselves, but is no longer in danger, follow Be There’s Golden Rules and connect them to resources in their area.

Being there for someone experiencing a mental health crisis is different than supporting someone through less severe mental health distress, but the same Golden Rules apply. Learn how the Golden Rules apply and how to Be There in a Crisis.

Be There
Be There and Born This Way Foundation
Be There and Born This Way Foundation

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