Got questions?

No worries, Be There’s got you covered.

What if I don't know the person that well?

That’s totally fine. If you’re around them enough to notice a change that concerns you, it’s ok to say something. Keep it casual, stick to the facts and avoid making any kind of judgement or assumption. It’s enough to let them know that you’ve noticed a change and that you care. If they want to talk, hear them out! If they don’t want to talk, no worries: suggest some resources and let them know you’re around for a chat if they change their mind.

What if I don't know the person that well?

How do I tell the difference between regular changes in mood and symptoms of a mental health problem?

Everyone has ups and downs so it’s normal to experience changes in your mood, stress levels, appetite, etc. Maybe you haven’t slept well this week because you’re stressed about soccer finals. Maybe you’re so upset about something you can’t think straight. Maybe you’re so full of grief that you’re not as hungry as usual. Everyone responds differently to major life events and changing circumstances, but we all go through ups and downs. It's completely normal for these feelings to come and go, and usually we are able to ride it out and get back to feeling like our regular selves.

That said, there’s reason to be concerned when you’ve noticed a change in someone that becomes really intense, lasts a long time and/or is having a big impact on their day-to-day life. Changes in mood, stress, appetite, etc. might be symptoms of a mental health problem if:

The intensity of the change is disproportionate to the circumstances causing it (e.g. feeling so anxious about an exam that they’re nauseous and can barely eat all week.)
The change lasts several weeks (e.g. feeling like a failure and refusing to go out or socialize for three weeks after being cut from the baseball team.)
The change is significantly impacting daily routines, responsibilities, and relationships (e.g. refusing to leave the house, ignoring all calls and texts from family/friends, giving up on their schoolwork etc.)

These types of changes might mean someone is dealing with more than the regular ups and downs of life and needs some support.

I'm struggling with my mental health, can I still be there for someone?

Absolutely. Be There’s Golden Rules can help anyone support someone struggling with their mental health. We all experience ups and downs but you don’t have to have it all together to be there for someone. In fact, drawing on your own mental health struggles can sometimes help build trust and empathy towards someone else who is struggling. That said, we all have our own stuff going on that limits our time, energy, resiliency and emotional capacity. It’s important to set boundaries to take care of your own mental health and your relationship with whoever you’re supporting.

What if they ask me not to tell anyone?

It’s important to preserve trust in your relationship, but you also have to prioritize their safety. It depends what the secret is, but if their life is at risk then explain that you can find a way to discreetly get them the help they need. You can say something like, “I need you to know that I can’t keep this a secret” and work to create a plan you’re both comfortable with. If they are not cooperative in that, you have to do the tough work of telling someone else anyway. Sometimes it’s specific like they don’t want you to tell their parents. In this case, maybe you can agree on someone else you can go to. In any case, if someone is in crisis, their safety is your first priority and your relationship comes second. You can stay loyal to your friend by caring for them and getting them the help they need.

What if they don’t want me to get help or get mad when I do?

Put your say what you see skills to work and tell them what it is that makes you feel the need to bring in professional help. Hear them out and be sensitive to their past experiences and their concerns. Don’t assume you have all the answers, but find a solution that works for them. If your gut tells you that they’re in crisis; call a helpline, 9-1-1 or emergency services. If possible, don’t leave them alone. As long as you aren't in danger, stay with them until help comes.

If I'm feeling overwhelmed, how do I take a step back without giving the impression I’m giving up on them?

Just keep showing them that you care! Being real with them and sensitively explaining the limits of your role and your capacity (emotional, time, energy, etc.) can help both of you to set and respect the boundaries of the relationship. Often it’s because we want to preserve and maintain a friendship that we need to broaden their support network, not because you don’t care about them. Helping them find other people in their lives to open up to (e.g. if they’d like, be there with them the first time they talk to their parents, partner or a therapist) can help show you care too. Reassure them that you’re not giving up on them, explain where you’re coming from and that you’re connecting them to help because you care.

What if I don't know the person that well?

What if things get worse and I'm not able to help them?

Sometimes you might feel like their situation is beyond what you can manage. Take a deep breath and remember that you’re not there to fix things, you just need to be there, listen and show you care.

Imagine supporting someone who is diagnosed with cancer. Maybe at first you feel like you can help; running errands, supporting a healthy diet, doing research on treatments and services. But you may reach a point where their illness has progressed to the point that you feel helpless. When we reach that point while supporting someone with physical illness, we put our trust in professionals. We can’t fix things, but we can still be there for a hospital visit, love, comfort and support. It’s the same when supporting someone struggling with their mental health. If you feel like you can’t help, it’s ok. It was never your role to fix things. Just be there, listen, show you care and connect them to help.

How do I take care of myself after an upsetting event or after getting tough news?

Check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Be honest. Look for changes in your thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are intense, long lasting and are impacting your day to day. These are signs that you might be struggling with your own mental health and need some support, so reach out for help. Whether you’re having your own mental health struggle or not, hearing sad news about a friend or witnessing a difficult situation can be hard on you. Show yourself some love by taking time to do things that make you feel good, and spend some time with people you trust and enjoy being around. Let them in on how you’re feeling instead of bottling it up inside. If you’re worried about confidentiality call a helpline, or find someone who isn’t so close to the situation to talk to.

How do I tell the difference between regular changes in mood and symptoms of a mental health problem?